For when voodoo dolls are overkill but you still want them to suffer:

• I hope every time you go to turn your phone off you take a screenshot instead.
• May all the stickers you try to remove tear and leave the adhesive residue behind.
• I hope your houseguests flip the most inconvenient switch on a three way outlet.
• I hope you step in the wet spot in sock feet.
• I hope you always forget which side your gas tank is on.
• I hope you hit a pothole every time you get an alignment.
• I hope your belt loop catches on the door handle.
• I hope you go to turn on the kitchen light and turn on the garbage disposal instead.
• I hope you wake up 15 minutes before your alarm goes off.
• I hope you press too hard on the perforation and your check tears.
• I hope the clear plastic lid for your spray bottle rolls under the counter.
• I hope you chose not to get gas the night before you’re running late.
• I hope your zits always pop onto the mirror.
• I hope your ceiling fan isn’t balanced.
• I hope your neighbor’s dog barks for no reason.
• I hope your USB cord still doesn’t plug in on the third flip.
• I hope you always miss the trash can.
• I hope you step in dog poop on the way to your car.
• I hope you forget about your hitch ball every time you walk behind your car.
• I hope your charging adaptor falls out of the outlet.
• I hope you always think there’s only one more step going down the stairs.
• I hope someone cuts packing tape with your favorite scissors.
• I hope your phone falls out of your pocket onto the public restroom floor.
• I hope the last thing you did was use hand lotion the next time you need to leave your house in a hurry.
• I hope your necklace clasp is just barely big enough for the latch.
• I hope you have to slam on your brakes the next time your bag is unzipped on the passenger’s seat.
• I hope you don’t have a lid on your drink the next time you ride in someone else’s car.
• I hope the paper tears the next time you get drive-thru Taco Bell.
• I hope all your socks work their way over your heels in your shoes.
• I hope there are traffic delays the next time you need to pee.
• I hope your dog licks your glasses.
• I hope a loop of your mop always catches underneath your sofa.
• I hope the ends of your sleeves get wet when you wash your hands.
• I hope the nylon lining of your jacket gets stuck in your zipper.
• I hope the next person you allow to merge in front of you is overly polite.
• I hope your bathroom door latch is slightly not aligned with the hole.
• I hope your windows are open the next time you close your front door.
• I hope you can’t align the wall hanger with the plastic teardrop on the back of your clock.
• I hope someone knocks every time you go the the bathroom.
• I hope babies always cry when you smile at them.
• I hope someone is having a text fight while leaning over their buggy in front of the item you need.
• I hope your dog only jumps on clean people you don’t really know.
• I hope something tiny falls right in front of your garage door sensor.
• I hope your jeans aren’t quite dry around the pockets when its cold.
• I hope you never figure out how to get your DVD player out of subtitle mode.
• I hope you thought your windows were rolled up the next time it rains.
• I hope a piece of apple gets stuck in your teeth on the first bite.
• I hope you accidentally pop the hood when you reach to release the parking brake or the gas cap.
• I hope there’s someone in the car your shopping buggy hits.
• I hope you walk by holly bushes when you have on thin pants.
• I hope your houseguests are always 15 minutes early.
• I hope you only thought you pressed “record”.
• I hope you start talking at the same time as the person you’re on the phone with.
• I hope you run into people you know at the grocery store.
• I hope every child says, “can I tell you a secret?” in front of their parents.
• I hope someone sexy gets on the elevator you just farted in.
• I hope you have a truck and friends that move a lot.
• I hope nobody takes your good advice.
• I hope you get an unignorable tickle in your throat every time someone tries to confide in you.
• I hope you forget to turn off your blinker when you merge.
• I hope you see three heavy things you forgot you needed when you only grabbed a basket.
• I hope you forget the answer to your hint question.
• I hope something lodges your junk drawer closed.
• I hope the number you blocked leaves automated voicemails.
• I hope you forget you have the maps app running when you’re listening to a podcast.